Tom Brady is one of the best looking people on the planet and is, almost indisputably, the best football player in the history of the universe.
It therefore seemed confusing to many observers when it was announced by Netflix that it would air The Greatest Roast of All Time, a live comedy special dedicated toward various celebrities simply trashing the quarterback.
What is there to even trash, right?
As this Tom Brady roast aired on Sunday night, the answer became obvious:
Brady’s divorce from Gisele Bundchen.
The athlete and the supermodel split in 2022, with Gisele stating at the time:
With much gratitude for our time together, Tom and I have amicably finalized our divorce,” the iconic fashion and beauty mogul wrote.
“My priority has always been and will continue to be our children whom I love with all my heart.
“We will continue to (co-parent) to give then the love, care and attention they greatly deserve.”
The former spouses appear to be on good terms… but Gisele also appears to be dating her karate instructor.
And let’s just say this made for A LOT of material at the aforementioned roast.
The presenters were merciless.
Aside from Kim Kardashian getting booed on stage, the many (many!) jokes at Brady’s expenses over his break-up and over Gisele’s alleged new romance have dominated the headlines ever since this special wrapped up.
In case you missed them, or in case you wish to relive them, we’ve collected the best Tom Brady divorce jokes from the roast below…
Kevin Hart referenced how Brady left the New England Patriots and head coach Bill Belichick and said:
You sometimes got to f–k your coach. You know who else f–ked they coach? Gisele. She f–ked that karate man… One of the smartest quarterbacks to ever play the game, how did you not see this coming?
Eight f–king karate classes a day? Eight karate classes a day… and she’s still a white belt. The only bruises she had were on her ass. Everyone should have known.
Said Jeff Ross:
Give it up for the lord of the Super Bowl rings, my friend, Tom Brady. A man who has so many rings he could melt them down and forge a sword to go on a quest and get Gisele back from that jiu-jitsu teacher.
Joked Drew Bledsoe:
Look, buddy, you have more rings than I do, but I’ve experienced a couple things that you will never experience. The feeling of being the No. 1 overall draft pick in the NFL… and a 28th wedding anniversary, it was yesterday.
Nikki Glaser made the room gasp with:
Tom, the only thing dumber than you saying yes to this roast was when you said, ‘Hey babe, you should try jiu-jitsu.’ That’s gotta suck. How much would it suck — oh my God, just knowing your ex-wife’s new boyfriend can beat your ass while eating hers.
We’ll give the final hilarious and brutal word to Andrew Schulz:
Tom, you became the GOAT by becoming the fiercest competitor on the planet. Tom was once asked which one of his rings was his favorite and he said, ‘The next one.’ Sorry, that’s a Gisele quote. My bad. That was Gisele, that was Gisele, for sure.
You remind us that no matter how big you get, how successful you are, how much you accomplish in your life, you can always end up a twice-divorced supplement salesman in Tampa, Florida.
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